REFLECTION: What are opportunities for connection that come up everyday that you can lean into?
Being a psychotherapist is incredibly rewarding and inspiring, but also has unique challenges such as, how can I support the people I meet with while holding myself to the same expectations and strategies that I encourage with my clients? I provide techniques and tools to foster self-growth, engage in tasks that require hard work, perspective, and at times discomfort. It's worth it, personally and professionally, to live my life with purpose, connection, and creativity. I want to share my experiences and expertise to help others find support, energy and joy, and feel inspired.
Shhhh....Sometimes I feel Sad, Stressed, & Sensitive
I live minutes from the beach but I never go. It's silly but I hate getting sand everywhere, putting sunscreen on my kids, and I'm a Type One Diabetic and the minor exertion of walking in the sand causes my blood sugar to drop every single time I go. I think it's also the work that it takes to engage in a leisure activity that gets me. My daily life is full of commitments, tasks, and things that have to get done and I feel overwhelmed, even if something is fun, it can feel like too much.
Recently my husband took up surfing. He invited our children and I to go down to the beach before the kid's bedtime to try and catch some whale sightings. Though a nagging voice in my head wanted to say "hell no" and turn on the tv, clean the house, or take a bath, our son's excited exclamations, ages 3 and 5, of "beach...beach...beach!" rang out and overrode my inner dialogue.
I gave up, gave in, gave myself over to the beach gods and decided we would go with as little preparation as possible, no shoes or kid paraphernalia, and just hopped in the car. My husband and I bickered over something that I can't remember now as we drove 5 minutes down to the shore. We've had an extended period of disconnection over the past two years and have been working to get back on the same page. The phrase "heart-broken" comes to mind when I think about the struggles we've encountered. There was never one thing that marked a shift in our relationship but a series of small choices that created a chasm over time. Renowned Marriage Therapist, John Gottman, calls invitations to a partner to do something together, a "bid". A small contribution to re-building connection, but important because our experiences are an important factor in the health of a marriage. I had accepted the bid despite my reluctance and annoyance.
Lost & Found
When we got to the beach there were some things that were frustrating, I'd forgotten my diabetes testing supplies at home (egh!!!!! Big No No.), and my husband sarcastically called me the "negligent parent" for letting our 5-year-old not put on sunscreen, it was 6:30 pm, and walk barefoot on the sidewalk. Luckily, the second my feet touched the sand, a switch flipped in my brain. The sensation of the still sun warmed granules of sand between my toes, my boys gleeful giggles, and the persistent crash of the waves, I reconnected to the part of myself that enjoyed movement and novel experiences. I looked at my husband's silhouette, sitting nearby on a log playing with the kids, and thought, "he's a catch...why can't we be nicer to each other?".
When we first arrived at sand, my 5-year-old buried a plastic green crystal we had brought from home into the sand, he spun me around 5 times, I think he learned this technique at school, and asked me to find it again. As you may have guessed, we lost it. Later during out excursion, I saw a perfect circle in the sand and upon picking it up, held a silver ring made up of roman numerals, reminding me of a clock face, between my fingers. I told my son, "when you lose something, sometimes you find something else". Our family has lost a lot in the last two years but we've also gained so much to be grateful for as well. I believe that our hardships broke us down in some ways but are strengthening our foundation in others and I'm hopeful about what lies ahead.
Subscribe for Blog Updates and Mental Health Services Information
Comentários