REFLECTION: What are your beliefs about seeking support for mental health struggles and taking medication as an intervention? Where do you think your beliefs came from?
Mr. Armchair Psychiatrist
Husband: I'm worried about you.
Me: I'm not, I'm annoyed. (You suck, I'm not broken, stop pathologizing me, ACCEPT ME.)
Husband: You seem disorganized and it feels very chaotic and it's hard for me to co-parent with you like this.
Me: Ugh...ok. So, now what?
As a mother of two, working full-time as a therapist, and trying to accomplish typical adulting tasks, I never questioned my disorganization. I had a system that had worked in my twenties consisting of procrastination and then accomplishing things in a push at the last minute. It was effective...until it wasn't. Hearing my husband's concerns felt like having my flexible, expansive, multi-interest personality labeled as a flaw. Of course, I was disorganized, I was trying to manage several roles at once and they all felt equally important, except for maybe adulting, I had let that one slide.
I had a psychiatrist already, put in place while encountering depressive periods, and so I shared my husband's concerns and decided to have an open mind to her response. She suggested an ADHD assessment from Standford, but as I encountered multiple barriers associated with getting an appointment, months later things had gotten worse, and she made the diagnosis. I was tired of messing with my brain by taking different medications for previous issues, but I wanted to be able to tell my husband that I had tried all avenues, so I began one. Preservation vs. Prescription
Before taking ADHD medication I had been doing the following:
Stuffing bills into a grocery bag, never to be seen again
Turning on the stove to cook and then going to clean my son's room Writing task lists and then researching how to become more productive without starting the task list Creating social media content across all platforms within 30 minutes
Having 5 art projects at one time
The ability to Mcgyver anything you can imagine with a box and paperclip I loved my creative capacity and was afraid that it would be negatively impacted if I took medication, but I had to admit that something needed to change. Upon taking the medication, I felt like I had a bit more ability to organize my thoughts and actions, but not by much. Months later, my husband expressed the same concerns as before and I responded with the same annoyance, but we met with my psychiatrist together to consider a new medication.
From Super Pain to Super Power
By the second day after the medication change, it was clear that I was on the right path. I felt an increased ability to manage my impulses, there was space between my thoughts to make healthy choices in my eating patterns, and my creative output was just as energetic as before but focused. As an artist and art therapist, I like to create things to process my experiences. I created the image above to reflect on how finding the right medication allowed me to continue to embrace my energy and creativity and illustrates the jumbled thinking and actions that occurred for me before decided to make a change.
(This post is not to be taken as medical advice. It is intended to share my personal experience and explain my inspiration for my artwork.)
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